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What is Conscious Love and Sexuality?

Posted by Anya & Chris
Anya & Chris
Anya & Chris are transformational teachers and coaches bringing you leading edge approaches and applications t...
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on Friday, 04 May 2012
in Evolving Love and Eros

Hi !

Soon we'll be continuing our series of Free Calls on Conscious Love & Sexuality !

Sign up here to get on our mailing list to stay informed about this series of empowering free calls

The essence of Awakening to our True Nature remains as the essential matter in our call series, but the application and focus will be in relationships.

Why ?

Relationships are one of the areas of our lives where painful and unexamined conditioned patterns can persist even in the midst of very thorough personal and spiritual work.

And relationships are also ubiquitous in our lives, in other words, if we bring developmental and spiritual practice to relationships, we have constant opportunities to grow.

We will be looking at relationships with an emphasis on coupling and partnering, and yes, sexuality will be addressed as an important component of a self-aware and loving life with another.

And this time on earth like no other is calling for conscious relationships.

Here is Eckhart Tolle on the matter:

"Humanity is under great pressure to evolve because it is our only chance of survival as a race. This will affect every aspect of your life and close relationships in particular. Never before have relationships been as problematic and conflict ridden as they are now. As you may have noticed, they are not here to make you happy or fulfilled. If you continue to pursue the goal of salvation through a relationship, you will be disillusioned again and again. But if you accept that the relationship is here to make you conscious instead of happy, then the relationship will offer you salvation, and you will be aligning yourself with the higher consciousness that wants to be born into this world. For those who hold onto the old patterns, there will be increasing pain, and confusion."

So how the heck do we have hot fun-loving pleasurable times and Awaken? 

With Awakening, pleasurable times, light humorous times, hot sexy moments and encounters, and tender intimacy; all these take time to "relocate" with the changes that Awakening can bring. But then, WOW, such experiences can take on a whole new dimension, AND become much more accessible as our need to “grip onto them” lightens.

The key is to notice the overall context in your relationship life, both with yourself and with another. Then... commit to a broader context or approach which organizes your relationship experiences in a whole new way!

What Eckhart is speaking of is a huge shift in context and therefore, consciousness (and yes it is a critical time for our planet). That said, getting serious with such information is not the point. What we have experienced are approaches that are truly sustainable, universally available, well understood (although little known), and can be explored and lived into in a tangible way.

Here’s the trick, realize that if the Tolle quote resonates with you, calls to you, the context of your life is ready to change. And it will change with or without your volition… that’s evolution. And you can participate and move with this in satisfying ways that are spectacular. Or you can be swept along by it - and this can be painful. Either way it’s coming. 

Opening to the evolutionary impulse of Love and Eros can be tricky as most of our adult ways of living and loving can seem quite fixed, that we are "finished products." This is anythng but the truth. We are here to tell you, there is so much more. Love and Life calls for those who are open to this evolutionary impulse - Life wants to experience itself through you, but you must take the first steps.

The specifics depend upon the couple, but the emphasis is the same:

A shift to a context of committing to participation over outcome. This opens the door to being more conscious in Love and Sexuality.

There can be lots of nonsense, bypassing of rugged important inner-work, delusion, fear, traps, and pitfalls here; but man oh man, once you get oriented, living into this broader context in relationship is really something. Our series of free call on Conscious Love and Sexuality and the upcoming Evolving Love and Eros Course (ELAE) are all about realizing and experiencing this natural next phase of our lives.

Consciousness is your most abundant resource, yet it is often tied up in patterns and conditioning. 

Ok, a little more on this change in context: If it’s time, we can notice contexts where “getting my needs met” or “making agreements and/or compromising” have been unexamined. If you are so inclined, you choose to shift to shared contexts like: “How can I help myself and my partner to be more authentic?” This can open to a shared context of, "We're here to help each other transform, to Awaken."

All this essentially introduces more consciousness - it's all about freeing up consciousness, then expanding consciousness. Satisfying transformation can really begin to show up.

And this is not some Airy-Fairy trip, nor some heavy-handed directive. This is like eating well and exercise, simple ways that involve commitment to overall context. This is natural, and attention that suits you best comes with intention.

A FAQ is, "Where's the love and passion?" Trust us, it's so there; essentially freed up consciousness in relationship IS LOVE, IS SEXUAL. Again, the shift here is life changing. For example, a large contextual consideration frequently mentioned in this forum is the understanding that relationships evolve through a few key stages: From "me" centered, to "co-dependent," to "co-independent," to "Presence" or "Being Centered." *  

Our entire mission here is to support the exploration of "Being Centered" relationships which allows for a lot of love to flow, and sexual feelings to come easier.

The discernments on how involved to become arise out of being truthful, authentic, trusting life experiences together, and noticing how resonant the two of you are. Physical chemistry, emotional connection, shared values all matter; but it is truly the matter of resonance that begins to really guide how involved to become. One of the stonger points here is that acceptance or rejection, success or failure; these all "give-way" to this really stong sense that your "Being" together really supports the two of you in getting more in touch with how resonance shows up for the two of you (or not). Sure there are rough spots - often unconsciously held context and behavior.

Clearing  unconsciousiousness - freeing consciousness, and then discovering resonance where consciousious can grow, these are the roots of a conscious and transformational sexual-love relationship.

Being able to check out difficulties together can become stunningly clear once this larger context is committed to. A feeling of love and appreciation regardless of outcome can become pretty steady, you "know where you stand."   

Another FAQ is, "What about reasons to stay together." We'll just say this, nothing outlasts resonance. Chemisty, emotional bonding, shared values can all change; resonance rocks. Resonance is basically a natural mutality with shared reality - can support transformational synergy in being more than the sum of your parts - just uber powerful. We'll cover this more in future writings or on live calls with you.

Feel into this, resonance speaks for itself, is powerful, and is THE resource to locate and cultivate within the expanded context of a conscious relationship.

In fact, the experience of resonance can be one of life's most satisifying experiences - yup, almost as satisfying as great sex. Although this gets to be a "chicken and the egg" consideration because more resonance opens to _______, you got it. And yeah, that's why we say sometimes, "You can change the world, and have fun it bed." 

And in a relationship committed to a context of transformation, what were previously quid-pro-quo or status quo needs are still appreciated; yet deeper needs of meaning and purpose are finally in play: Life energy and sexual energy flow while resonance is explored - and if available - deepened. And the effort (and even pain) of managing quid-pro-quo or status quo needs opens to new levels of enjoyment in working and playing with expanded attention with all things, including sexuality. Naturally recognized truths and trust hold a safe space for life to really start happening. An increased capacity to love, realize potential, be clear, and make decsions and commitments all can arise out of embracing this broader context. You begin to see beyond your-self – and yet remain very self-aware. You transform. You also begin to see how you impact the world differently.

We are here to tell you, this sort of exciting evolution is what is next for us as human beings and lovers, fully supports you; and if you're still reading, that’s why these considerations appeal to you!

That's what freed up consciousness can look like ! 

How can we know that a shift in context is up? This call for more consciousness? When systems become stressed (as in the world right now and in relationships as well), it’s often a sign that another level of development is cooking! 

And this freed up consciousness starts to make real changes in you (or pain if you have resistance toward it), sort of preping you for these expanded potentials. Just like your life experience now, it’s unique to you, yet there are common descriptions that all orient toward Awakening. Awakening is often described as an opening in experience and perception that results in somewhat of a separation of Awareness from thinking (and unexamined emotions). Some call this spiritual. In any event, huge amounts of consciousness previously tied up in unexamined ways of thinking and difficult "run-away" emotions become increasingly available. At first in "fits and starts," yet once you find your way, a shift unlike any other in life begins to shows-up more and more. 

Thinking shifts to Awareness, Emotions shift to feeling. And when this begins to occur, you realize this is the most important thing that matters for your life and the world at large right now. You are still you but much more than you. You are in the business of transformation. You realize this is a gorgeous never ending journey. You recognize what some call our "True Nature."  

This is not "floaty" or "blissed out" at all. This is an expanded experience of having access to much more innate intelligence and range. The ability to really "be with" and fully experience lots of feeling in life becomes very rich, even exhilerating, and informing.

For many of us, until we have our own experiences, some or all of this can seem out of reach. Let alone apply this way of experiencing life within a relationship. Again, our series of free calls on Conscious Love and Sexuality and the upcoming Evolving Love and Eros Course (ELAE) are all about realizing and experiencing this natural next phase of our lives in ways you can really own and inhabit within a relationship. 

Sadly we often don’t see these changes coming and resist them because they seem new and even threatening, and after all, we’re all grown adults right? Because, "We know how to live our lives and how we love and like to be loved."

But for those of you who are feeling this, you know there’s more that must come in if we are to really address - and meet - whats happening in our relationships and the in the world at large.. And recuring difficulty in relationships is a number-one sign that the 'ole "You can't solve something with the same level of consciousness it was created with," totally applies here.

And it’s not about fixing relationships or yourself; it’s about stepping into a larger context (more consciousness) to experience the relationship differently. It’s about Awakening.

With Awakening, solutions arise, or the need to change things will become clear. Either way, you are more participatory, have more energy and attention, and basically enjoy everything a heck of a lot more. 

And therein lies a big motivator, enjoyment. Enjoyment not with outcome, but enjoyment in being participatory. With this deep shift, nice outcomes often result in surprising ways. 

This is not about healing and needing therapy (although that can come up). We’re talking about a next step in adult development that is build-in (yet not well known) for all of us to enjoy. A birthright. 

Enjoyment and satisfaction become key indicators in shifting context in relationships to embrace more consciousness. 

This is human evolutionary spiritual development, it is happening now, you don’t need a teacher; yet it is very handy to have guidance until your own guidance with this shift in context become clear.

We've lived this path as lovers, continue to live this path now as deep friends and co-facilitators. We know the difference between wishful thinking and grounded truth. We are committed to bringing the best and latest evidence based applications of psychological insights and spiritual truths that can open to profound evolutionary breakthroughs.

We walk with women and men toward realizing this next robust step in their relationships and their evolutionary lives, we honor everyone's own natural progression. The world needs this evolutionary movement, will likely demand it through increasing stress and difficult circumstance. You can open to relieving this stress, and answer the evolutionary impulse of life right now within relationship and life. Sign up here to get on our mailing list our series of free calls on Conscious Love and Sexuality ! 


Anya and Chris

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The terms for these stages are borrowed from Dr. Robert Masters, but the approaches to relationship are universal and can be readily seen in all models of evolutionary consciousness.



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Course Facilitators



MA Transpersonal Psychology Transformational Counselor, Teacher, and Educator committed to serving the emergence of evolutionary spiritual development. anya.chris @


MS Education & Linguistics Transformational Coach, NLP Master Practitioner, Certified Kundalini & Hatha Yoga Instructor, and Usui & Karuna Reiki Master. anya.chris @

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